Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I'm baaaaaack!! Wow, I can't believe it has been since August since my last blog. I have given birth and now it is time to get serious about running that 5k. I have had my baby, and been released by my doctor. I have to tell you, I am struggling with finding time for a workout taking care of a house, husband and two children. I actually did my first workout several weeks ago. It was a walk/jog type of workout. It took me a while to get up the nerve to actually jog. I was anticipating pain considering I have a scar from my c-section that required 27 staples. When I took my first few steps of jogging I was wincing in anticipation of the pain. After about 30 seconds, I realized it didn't hurt and it felt incredible to be able to run again. Considering, I hadn't worked out since March. Then I was put on bed rest so I pretty much laid around the last month of my pregnancy. When I realized I could jog with little effort and felt much like I hadn't lost much time, I began to smile. Until 3 minutes into it and I could have sworn I was having an asthma attack. And I don't have asthma by the way!

I spent most of my pregnancy worrying about weight gain. I have very little willpower when I am pregnant. I want to eat what I want....and I am ashamed to say McDonalds was my craving this time. Now before, in an attempt to refrain from this, I would have no cash on me most of the time when I left the house to run errands...the debit card ruined that plan. I gained 51 lbs with my first pregnancy and I still had about 20 left when I got pregnant this time. In all, I gained 31 lbs. I also had my daughter 1 month early so I escaped that last month of weight gain...so I am pretty sure I would have been close to 50 lbs again. I lost all the weight within 6 days which I WAS THRILLED about, especially when my pre-pregnancy jeans fit.

But I have to share something that was said to me at a get together Friday night. I didn't know this person which makes it even more shocking. I was feeding my baby when this lady walks up to tell me how beautiful she was. We talked a little bit about the baby and how she was sleeping and things of that nature. When all of the sudden she looks at me and said, "its really hard to lose that baby weight isn't it?" My response to her was, "lady, I lost all my baby weight in 6 days, this (pointing to my belly) is all me, not from being pregnant". This is why I love being 40. If that would have happened in my 20's I would have agreed with her about what a loser I was (not a loser of weight of course) and cried for weeks over such a comment. But there is something about aging that is wonderful. People's opinions and comments don't matter to you anymore. Yeah, I thought about it on my way home, but I definately didn't lose sleep over it.

But I can guarantee, that I will lose sleep over it tonight...because my 6 am workout comes quickly. And maybe just maybe the words of a rude stranger will inspire me to work a little harder.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Sleepless nights

Recently, I have experienced insomnia....for the first time in my life. Sure I've had the occassional "sleepless nights" but never to this degree. Like being up for 3-5 hours in the middle of the night. Most nights I just lay there and feel sorry for myself. Other nights I pray for anyone and everyone that comes to mind. But some nights I just have to get out of bed and head for the T.V.

So flipping through the channels in the middle of the night has given me a wealth of knowledge. First of all, I never knew that only fat, pimply faced people who are lonely and just may need a juicer are the ones watching the T.V. at that time of night.

What I'm saying is that the infomercials are RIDICULOUS!!!! Everyone has the answers for weight loss, and clear skin. AND oh, I can't forget "painless" hair removal. Seriously, there shouldn't be anyone overweight, hairy or have bad skin in the United States. The answers are all to be found on late-night T.V. AND after you lose the weight and get your skin clear, there are several dating services that can "hook you up" with Mr/Mrs. WONDERFUL!!!!

I have to admit, once I did buy something from an informercial. It was hair. Actually, it was hair pieces that fit secretly into your own hair to give you fullness and body. Being that my hair started thinning out when I hit 16, I fell for it. I can remember how excited I was to get it. This is where it gets pathetic. I actually can still see the strips of hair hanging from my bathroom towel rack as I individually dyed each one to match my hair. Now according to the infomercial, you can put them in and style them and your man can run his fingers through it and no one will know (except you) that you are wearing hair pieces. Imagine, my utter disbelief when I put them in only to leave obvious indentations where they were and with one fling of my new found beautiful shampoo commercial hair they flung out and hit the floor.

So maybe I have been burned and find anything "too good to be true" not worth my time. But I must say I enjoy watching the claims of these wonderful products that will "CHANGE YOUR LIFE"!!! They have given me some comedic relief during my sleepless nights...who knows maybe one of these nights, I may just pick up the phone and place an order. They all have a money back guarantee ya know?!!!

Monday, August 9, 2010

I was a great mom....then I had a baby!

With the birth of my second child quickly coming, I have been thinking a lot of how that will be changing my life. Of course, I can sit here and think out "how things will be" but I can tell you...that is a waste of my time. Motherhood hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought I was prepared. I wasn't even close. I would have to say that the number one lesson I have learned from becoming a mom is...."don't judge others....especially parents!"!!!

Let me just give you a couple of examples of why I say this. Obviously, my husband and I were older when our first one made her dramatic arrival into the world. Let me tell you the drama hasn't stopped since. Anyway, BEFORE we had a child, if we would be in a store or restaurant and a kid was throwing a fit, we would both look at each other and say (after an exaggerated eye roll).."shut that little brat up". Only to each other of course. We assumed that if a parent couldn't control their child's melt down in public, they were a total failure and the kid was doomed for juvenille hall one day. Let me just say when my little girl threw her first fit in a public place, I think we both panicked. We just wanted to get her out of there before people (like we used to be) were judging our parenting skills. Can I tell you now, when I see a kid throwing a fit in public, I give the mom and dad a little sympathetic smile letting them know, I SO GET IT!! All the while, thinking, "thank God that isn't my child"

AND potty training should be totally accomplished by the age of 3. I started at training our daughter at 2 1/2. Can I tell you she was still in Pull-Ups at 3. It wasn't until it was HER idea that she actually got it. Before, I assumed that children that didn't have their children potty trained by 3 were lazy parents and/or their child was slow!!!!

These are just a couple of examples of things I thought before having a child. I could go on and on with more examples of how wrong I was. Now I look back and think, "what did I know about children?" ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! I will tell you that I have stepped out of the competition for mother of the year. I will never be perfect and I have bad days. I let myself off the hook on trying to compare and compete with other mothers. (because whether we admit it or not we are watching each other) I choose to try my best every day to raise this child as God wants me too. After all technically, she does belong to Him.

So I will tell you.....somedays I let my child run around in her pajamas all day. Sometimes, I let her eat in front of the television. Sometimes, she falls asleep before I have a chance to give her a bath or brush her teeth. Somedays, I let her watch way too much T.V. All things I said I would never do. So welcome to the world of motherhood and the reality of it all. This is what I have learned in my time as a mom. I look forward to the new lessons having another one will bring.

This is something my sister-in-law said to me before I had my first child. At first I didn't find it very comforting. She said, "Being a mother is 10,000 times harder than you think it will be...but 1,000,000 times more wonderful than you can imagine. I couldn't agree more.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Pros and cons of a chubby pregnancy!

So there are a lot of things about being chubby and preggo that stink. Like finding maternity clothes. Seriously, it is like fat people don't get pregnant. AND, just like when I was a chubby pre-teen, the clothes get uglier as the sizes go up. I have been to EVERY plus size web site for maternity clothes and they all have the same two HIDEOUS bathing suits. Then, I go to the mall this week and check out Motherhood...yep, same two bathing suits.

Also, the fact that most people who don't know I am pregnant, think I am just fatter than normal. I have often thought about buying one of those shirts with the arrow pointing that say "under construction" just to let people know I am preggo. I have found myself in public putting my hand on my belly and sometimes rubbing it in an attempt to convince them I AM REALLY PREGNANT here. Of course, that could also look like I just had a good time or a really bad time at the nearest buffet.

And, I can't forget the continuting doctor's appointments that force me on the scale every time I go. I love how they have the scales in the hallway now. Not only does that let every one walking by peek at "your number" (and my sister has admitted to me she does this to others) BUT it doesn't allow you to strip off any clothes. I mean seriously, the doctor seems to want you naked to check out an ear infection, but not to weigh you!!! It is truly making me crazy. During one of my ultrasound appointments the nurse stopped at the scales....."I'm getting an ultrasound today" I almost screamed at her. She made me hop on the scale anyway, despite the fact that I had an extra 16 ounces of water in me.

BUT, I have realized that some things are really good about being preggo and chubby. For instance, I have decided I may never return to regular jeans again. I found myself some maternity jean shorts recently. I put them on and not only can I breathe, but I am downright comfy in the things. I mean I feel like I am in pajama pants. The plus size people should of gotten a hold of this elastic waistband all the way around years ago. Normally to get pants to fit in the waist, I have to walk around with huge amounts of fabric surrounding my thighs. That is NEVER a good look by the way.

Also, when people realize I am pregnant, all of the sudden my belly is admired. They actually look at it and smile. Sometimes not being able to resist the urge to touch it. Which can be irritating. I have actually looked at them and said, "that isn't the baby...that's just fat"! I LOVE not sucking in my belly either. I mean literally when you are preggo you can't. You don't realize how much you really do that until you are pregnant.

AND THE ABSOLUTE BEST THING ABOUT BEING CHUBBY AND PREGNANT???!!! I actually had someone tell me the other day, "You need to eat". WHAT?!! That never happens.
Someone gave me permission to eat!!! AND, if they seeing you eating, "diet food" they tell you., "you should be eating more than that" REALLY? My favorite is when they tell you that you ARE eating for two now! I've already been doing that for years!!! Seriously, when you are pregnant you only need 300 more calories than normal. Not an extra 1500 a day!!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

May I be EXCUSEd?

Wow, it has been a while since my last post. I have been running....but not the kind you're thinking. Just busy with life and an almost 4 year old and starting our own business. I haven't even thought of working out. Oh wait, maybe I have but the thought leaves quickly...right along with my energy. I think being almost 40 and preggo is taking its toll. I am exhasted most days and have little or no ambition.

BUT, I will say, that I have been reflecting on my weight issues. I have been really looking at myself and all my failed attempts to lose weight. I mean don't get me wrong, I've lost over 50 lbs. at least 2 times in my life. BUT, it comes back on just like a pathetic statistic you read in a Weight Watchers magazine. I just want to lose it for good and be done with it after the baby is born.

I realized the other day while watching Dr. Oz, that I am often judgemental toward overweight people. Which I find so funny considering I don't want to be discriminated against for being fat. I saw a lady on there explaining to Dr. Oz about how she couldn't lose weight. As I listened to her, I thought, "WOW, this lady is full of excuses." And then I immediately thought....AND SO ARE YOU!!!! I have often blamed my weight on my illness and genetics. But the truth is, I am in control of what I put in my mouth. And quite frankly sometimes chocolate finds its way in there way easier than broccolli.

The last few weeks I have regretted ever saying, I would run a 5K. I have told TONS of people I am doing it. This past weekend was the Sunburst. That is the run I intend on doing next June. I gotta tell you, I saw the pictures of the runners all bunched together getting ready for take off and I almost had a panic attack. WHAT AM I THINKING? I will only have 6 months to train. And I have not run on pavement since I was 6...and I think that was to chase down the ice cream truck. Then I thought, after having a baby your uterus takes months to shrink back to normal...I will be trying to run with a swollen uterus!!!! And my C-section, incision??? What about that? Then I realized....EXCUSES, EXCUSES, EXCUSES. That is why you have struggled since you were 10 with your weight.

So, as much as I would like to quit talking about running a 5K, I won't. I will be a face in the crowd next June.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I think I've lost my mojo!

Ok, my confession is that I have only worked out twice since finding out I am pregnant. AND I've known for 6 weeks. PATHETIC!!! I actually am afraid to get on my Wii Fit because I know it is going to yell at me. Good news, I have only gained 2lbs so far and I am heading out of the first trimester soon. I had all these grand plans to continue to work out during my whole pregnancy so I wasn't so far behind to train for the 5K.

The first trimester has left me in a fog, I would get up take a shower and have to nap because I was exhausted. Working out was the last thing on my mind...it was sleep and V8 juice. For some reason that is a weird thing I want early in pregnancy. Well, I noticed about 2 weeks ago, I began getting my energy back. I actually woke up early two days in a row and thought...I feel like I could work out today....but I didn't. I know in the past I have lost motivation, but it just seems like A LOT of work each day only to watch your belly get bigger.

Speaking of a big belly, I have decided the best thing about pregnancy is not having to hold your stomach in. It's great. And although, I am not too impressed with maternity clothes (although they are way better than they used to be) the big elastic belly is so comfy. I was tired of the permanent indentation of my waist from my regular jeans, it was getting hard to breathe. Oh wait, that happened before I was pregnant. (sigh)

So, this week it is my goal to at least get 3 workouts in. I have to get back on the bandwagon before I lose it and have people bringing me 4 supersize big mac meals in bed each day. No more excuses!!!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Bump in the road...or my belly

Isn't it funny how sometimes you plan something and then your life totally takes another turn? This is where I find myself today. When I started this blog it was to inspire others to challenge themselves to something new. I am someone who used to say running was bad for you because it jiggled your insides too much. "Especially for women" I told my husband. I realize now this was probably an excuse to avoid that activity all together. But then I began challenging myself and trying it. So I thought since I was turning 40 this year it would be a great time to set a goal for myself to run a 5K.

I set that goal in February. I began training and starting blogging about it. I was up to about 30 minutes (which I was impressed with someone of my size) yes fat haters, I put down the twinkies and ran for 30 minutes. Take that Dr. Oz and your truth tube!! Anyway, shortly into it I noticed it began getting harder not easier. Then after not feeling well, I took a pregnancy test. SURE ENOUGH PREGNANT!!!

I have to tell you I went through a bit of a depression about it. Because I felt I wouldn't reach my goal. Then I got a different perspective. I will be 40 for a WHOLE year. Who cares if I do it the month of my birthday, or later. So, I am committing to not only have a baby AT THE AGE OF 40, but I will be running the 5k next June at the Summerfest. You know why I can do this? Because I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!!

Friday, May 7, 2010

My obsession with a number

A recent trip to the doctor got me thinking about the scales. I mean that is the most uncomfortable part of the visit for me. On second thought that depends on how "naked" they make you get. BUT, there have been several times just before getting on the scale, I have wanted to jerk off every article of clothing I had just to get a lower number. I wonder if I am the only one.

Years ago, I was "diagnosed" with white collar high blood pressure. My doctor said, it was that I didn't really have high blood pressure, but when I got around doctors it would go up. He would take it after my exam and it was always fine. It took me years to figure out why this was. Until, one day after the nurse weighed me and wrote my number down (in black marker, I swear it was a PERMANENT sharpie) in my file, she told me to sit down and put the cuff on me. "wow, your blood pressure is a little elevated. Finally, as I was sitting there (doing obvious deep breathing ) I said, "every time I come here, you put me on the scale and then take my blood pressure, of course it is elevated, I am border line having a panic attack"!! She laughed of course, BUT I WAS SERIOUS.

That number on the scale, I obsess over it. I hate to hear, "go by how your clothes fit". If every pair of pants I had were falling off of me, I WOULD NOT CARE, if the scale didn't go down. I have probably bought 100 scales in my life. Because they have been jumped on and kicked and skidded across the floor, all because I didn't like the number. Then of course the ones I had to replace because SOMETHING must be wrong with them. Only to replace them to find out something WAS wrong. THEY WERE WEIGHING LIGHT!!!! That is my favorite!!!!

I know I am not the only one. I have a family member actually kept a scale for years that was weighed 10 lbs less. I was always like, "don't you want the truth". No she liked living in denial. The thing that cracked me up was she would get angry every time she would go to the dr. and once again, she weighed 10lbs more than at home.

And does anyone go on the "on my gosh, my dr.'s appointment is Monday, so I can't eat this weekend diet"? I love that one. It doesn't matter if the appointment has been made for months, your best effort to lose weight comes in the last 48 hours before the appointment. Then, I like to go in the morning, on an empty stomach, after I assess my closet for my "lightest" clothes. I HATE going in winter. They probably wonder why I show up in shorts and a t-shirt in January. (and of course flip flops). I am just kiddding about that but I do try to find my least heaviest sweater!!!. If you notice, they don't count for clothes. They just right down the number the scale gives them. They show no mercy. DON'T THEY KNOW MY CLOTHES WEIGH AT LEAST 8-10 lbs.???? These shoes have a really thick sole lady, I am sure they are worth a couple of lbs!!

I love the people who "don't weigh themselves" I have total fear of that idea. The "I'm more than a number" idea has never worked for me, I feel like I have to keep myself in check. I also wonder out of curiousity how many times you feel the need to get on the scale. If it is a digital, I get on at least 3 times. If it says I lost, I begin to feel 'accomplished' until I get back on it and it says 3 lbs higher. I often walk away with a bad attitude wondering why I couldn't just step off with the first answer and been happy about it.

Hey, and how many of you get on it again after going to the bathroom. "that had to be at least worth a couple pounds right"? My favorite is when I gain a few lbs after a weekend of parties and eating way too much and I complain about my weight and my husband says, "its only water weight" God bless him for allowing me to be in denial!!!! So there is my confession about my obsession. Maybe, I will just throw the scales out one day, right after I replace all of my pants with sweats.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Fat Debate!

A few years ago my husband and I were in the car having a conversation about something that I don't even remember, but it must have had to do with weight because I told him we should start a Fat Group against discrimination. I was joking of course, but found out a few months later their actually was a group. It is called NAAFA or National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. Huh?, can't believe I was born in 1970, been fat since 1982 and didn't know that a group like this was started in 1969.

Last week on Dr. Phil, they had a show called, The Fat Debate. You know I had to tune in. It was people from both sides of the fence. Some were overweight and others were trainers and a lady from some a group called anti-fat organization. The debate was pretty heated. You had the overweight people arguing that the others had no right to tell them what to do with their bodies. And the other side saying that they weren't discriminating because to be discriminated against it had to be something you couldn't control like race. To be honest, the whole show made my head spin.

I remember a long time ago seeing a talk show with "fat haters". I remember it really had a big impact on me. Every time I would be out and got a glance from someone that I thought seemed funny, I would immediately think, "oh my gosh, their a fat hater". How do I know I didn't just have a booger hanging out of my nose? It just made me paranoid, everyone was a fat hater. I have heard stories of people being interupted by total strangers asking, "do you really need to eat that?" WHAT??!!!! That has never happened to me and I am glad. I would either start to cry or give em a wise crack back like, "do you really think you should wear your hair up in a bun like that considering it shows off that your eyes are too far apart?!!" I mean seriously, what kind of response who someone bold enough to say that to you expect? What about people saying, "are you really going to eat that?" HEY, if the fork is in my hand and my elbow is bent raising it to my mouth, I am probably going to eat it!!!

What I did notice a few years back is that some people look into the shopping carts of overweight people. I rememer the first time it happened to me. A lady walked by and as we passed she gave a quick "look over" the contents of my cart. I was like, "oh no you didn't". But it happens. I am sure there are people who have false ideas that I sit around all day and eat and never work out. So be it, I know the truth. Look, we all have something to work on in our lives. Whether it be weight or something else. Unfortunately, when you are overweight, you can't hide your issue too well. The world sees it everyday. I am sure I am judged every day for something by someone. That is the BEST part of getting older. I don't really care all that much anymore.

I guess this is my stance...just because your skinny today doesn't mean you always will be. And just because your overweight today doesn't mean you have to stay that way forever. Life is short, do the best you can with what you have. We are all on this journey together. There are people starving in this world, dying of disease every day and living hopeless lives. There are things way more important than being offended by someone looking in my shopping cart. By the way, in case you were wondering, yes, that is a box of Little Debbie snack cakes in my cart, laying right next to my Slim Fast shakes.

Ah, the joys of summer

Summer is coming and you know what that means? Less clothing. I always find it funny that after everyone initially has failed their New Year's resolution that around Spring comes the frantic "bathing suit" time diets. It is a mad dash to the gym to get that "beach body". Let me just say, I will never have a beach body. I gave that idea up years ago. It is only my goal every year to appear as less of a jellybean in my bathing suit than last year. Yes, I said it. Being that I hold most of my weight in my belly, I appear jelly bean like in a bathing suit unless it has a defined waist. Unfortunately, as the years have progressed, I have went from a small size $.99 bag of Dollar General jelly beans to an all out Wakurusa Dime Store jelly bean. Every time I put on my bathing suit, I hear in my head, "NOW THAT'S A JELLY BEAN" from thier commercial with their super sized beans!!!

But, I would like to talk about another hot topic that comes with summer and less clothing... HAIR REMOVAL. I know I am an expert in this. I have tried it all. Let me first say, I HATE body hair. If I see it I want to remove it. Of course, I have been blessed with super dark hair and a family line that must have lived in caves only had one meal a year and lived in arctic temperatures. That is why we hold on to every calorie for all its worth and grow body hair like apes!!!

Let's see, I have bleached, waxed, had my own electrolysis machine, Epilady, Nair, Neet, Nads, oh and not to forget that stuff that is basically sand paper, I forget the name. I own stock in Gillette Razors with the lubristrip because I think they do the best job.

Let me just say, that bleach will work, however, it left my skin whiter in than area too. (now that was not obvious) Also, it works best for dark peach fuzz. What about turning long course hair from dark to white makes it better?

The at home electrolysis machine was one of my favs. I mean you had to stick this little metal thing the size of a small hair in each follice. ONE AT A TIME PEOPLE. Then you had to find what level of electrocution was needed for your type of hair. Again, thanks to my Neandrathal ancestors, I needed the thing to be turned up to 10 for the hair to fall out. Which pretty much made me jolt each time. It was torture.

Speaking of torture...the Epliady falls in that catergory. It was a like a spring of coils all wound up that would spin when you turned it on. It was supposed to pull out the hair by the root. AND it claimed to be pain free. LIES LIES LIES. Have you ever known anyone of your hairs to get pulled out by its' root and be pain free?

Nair, Neet and Nads, pretty much gave me a skin rash that looked like a teenager in the midst of puberty that worked 10-15 hours a week at the fryer at Long John Silver's. I didn't want to replace unsightly hair with zits people.

Wax is great if you have the time and patience and yes it still hurts. I have had several waxing accidents that have forced me to draw in my eyebrows for months. Plus I just find it time consuming.

After all the stuff I have tried, I fear I will someday be in a nursing home sporting a beard moustache and a body of old grey stubs all over. I doubt then I will care. Hopefully, most of it will be covered up by tons of wrinkles!!!!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Liar, Liar!

So, I was just curious...do you really weigh what your driver's license says? Or, is it the same weight you had when you were 16? I mean you did weigh that once right? Or, are you like me and ponder on the way to the DMV just how low you could go and still be believeable? But, even I know it is obvious if a cop pulls me over, he isn't falling for 135! (that is not what my licence says, I haven't weighed that since I was 7). Anyway, it amazes me how that number on the scale can cause an otherwise honest person to lie.

So, I got to thinking. Lying about your weight may seem harmless on your driver's license, BUT there are a few times in life it is never o.k to lie about your weight. This is from personal observation and experience.

You should never lie about your weight when you are getting ready to board a tiny plane and they are weighing your luggage and asking you what you weigh. I realized this on a trip to Abaco, Bahamas in 1997. If they are asking you that, THE PLANE PROBABLY ONLY CARRIES A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF WEIGHT!!!! As I stood in line with my best friend, you couldn't help but hear what the people were saying as to how much they weighed. One guy got up there and said 220. I immediately looked at my friend and said, 260 easy. Then the next person, 125, oh honey, at least 160. I got to say, I began to calculate the differences and got a little scared. THIS PLANE IS GOING DOWN CHUBBIES!! So when it came my turn to report my weight, I proudly announced 450. The guy looked at me like "yeah right" to which I replied, "I'm just making up for all of the rest of the people who are lying". The good news is the plane did not crash. I am wondering if they add a certain amount to each flight to cover the lies. OR, maybe, there is a secret scale embedded under the carpet where you stand to check in that records the truth. Either way, not a good time to lie people.

Another time would be when you are getting ready to go parasailing. I also found that out on a trip to the Carribean. My friend and I were planning on doing it tandem. We thought it would be fun to go up together. We found out after reaching the beach, their wasn't enough wind that day to have 2 people go together. Great I thought, I could actually be two people. I had this vision of the boat taking off with me attached to the sail and all I did was skip across the ocean but never get in the air. To save myself the embarrasment, I pulled aside one of the workers and said, "Look, is there enough wind to get my butt up in the air today or not?" He asked me what I weighed, AND I TOLD THE TRUTH. "No problem man, we get you up". I did notice that the "larger" people who went before me all used the same parasail. SO, they probably have a small, medium and large sail for each person according to their weight. Anyway, I did it and I went up without a problem and came down fine too. So I was happy I told the truth. If I would have been skipping across the ocean unable to get into the air I would have been mortified.

And the most important time not to lie about your weight?!! When you are getting ready to be put under anesthesia. Seriously, you don't want too little of that stuff and wake up in the middle of surgery. And, besides that, why lie when you are getting ready to go into surgery? You know they have already taken your panties and they are going to flip you around all over and your sheet will fall off so there you are all naked. And let me just say, THE NAKED BODY DON'T LIE! And you know that's the truth!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

America's newest diet plan

You've heard it a million times on weight loss commercials. "I've tried every diet and nothing worked....UNTIL I tried (fill in the blank). So, I got to thinking of some of the diets I have tried and what are my thoughts and progress with each.

Let's see, the first thing I tried was the big Susan Powter diet. Remember her? The bald lady who yelled, "STOP THE INSANITY". Her thoughts on dieting was that fat made you fat. So cut out the fat and you will lose the fat. So bascially that was high-carb low fat foods. Well, lets assess my progress. Considering I had problems with my body making too much insulin, eating a lot of carbs was TOTALLY opposite of what I should have been doing. That diet actually made me fatter.

So how about The Cabbage Soup Diet? That is a regimented diet that you make this vat of cabbage soup that you can eat all you want. Then you have certain days where you only eat fruit, then vegetables one day and my favorite day was the day you ate up to 8 banannas and up to 8 glasses of skim milk. It lasts for 7 days. I lost about 15 lbs. that week. But as soon as you eat normal.....you gain it back. Plus for some (not mentioning names) it causes gas that just happens to smell like a big pot of cabbage soup cooking. YUK!

So the most success I had was on the Atkins Diet. High fat, low carb. I was on it for a total of about 6 months. I lost about 55 lbs. When I first went on this, my husband and I laughed that it would never work. This was as I polished off a steak one night as big as my head. But, to my surprise the weight came off quickly. I did find it very hard to live like that forever. I REALLY missed fruit and bread. Also, you barely ever poop on this diet and you never "pass gas". If you do let one go you know you've eaten too many carbs somewhere. It is crazy. I am not sure a diet can be good for you that messes with your body's "natural functions" that way.

So after years of trying to figure out what works, I have the revelation you've all been waiting for! The only diet that works is the EAT LESS AND WORK OUT MORE diet. Sorry guys, sad but true. You have to learn to go to bed hungry and wake up early to sweat your butt off. It amazes me that everytime I turn the T.V. on it is some horrible statistic on the Today Show about how fat America is...followed of course by that skinny Giada cooking up some pasta.

So since America is not getting the message, I am making up a new plan. Since the airports have installed those scanners that pretty much show you naked, I have been mortified by the idea of flying. I mean really? (and on a side-note, spanx isn't gonna help hide anything in the scanner, so don't kid yourself) We should just install those at restaurants and grocery stores and put them on a big screen. PEOPLE, I WOULD NEVER BUY FOOD AGAIN!!! We would all be home growing gardens and canning. We would be so much healthier. Fear of being seen naked is a great motivator to lose weight, don't ya think?

Friday, March 19, 2010

My dreams of gold

I love to ask my daugher what she wants to be when she grows up. I like to hear her child-like answers. It takes me back to a time when my brother told my parents he wanted to be a homo. True story. Of course they panicked wondering what this meant. Only to find out he really wanted to be a hobo. He had a little bit of a speech issue!

So I have been thinking back on some of my early aspirations. And I realized one of my first I can remember involved gold. No people not like the Olympics, I had far more important things than merely winning a gold medal. I wanted to be a.....SOLID GOLD DANCER!!! I used to fling myself around on the living room floor and spin and pretend I was dancing to the Top 10 of the week. I pretty much realized that dream would never happen, because the show got cancelled and I was definately didn't have a dancers body. Not because of weight alone, my legs are just too short.

So thinking back about this wonderful goal in life, I decided to pull up some old Solid Gold videos on Youtube. First of all I was a bit shocked. I mean this was a few decade ago and these girls were doing some nasty moves in very little clothing. I didn't remember it that way. I really thought that being a dancer on that show was a classy gig. I mean forget broadway. What kind of professional dancer wouldn't want a chance to throw themselves on the floor and dance to Private Eyes by Hall and Oates? And remember when the music would stop they would put stop and pose and look at the camera? LOVED IT. So another dream lost (sigh). But ah, the memories of that show make me smile.

On a running note, this weeks training has been brutal. This could be due to the fact that my legs are really sore and I am in desperate need of a new sports bra. But, as any well disciplined athlete, I push though!!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Learning new things

If you are easily offended and do not find bodily functions amusing, do not proceed! That is my disclaimer on this blog!

I am a firm believer that I learn something new everyday. Sometimes it is life-changing, sometimes it is worthless information that makes me smile and think wow, I never knew.

Ok, I will give you an example that will make me appear a little silly and maybe not very smart, but oh well, I have been honest with this blog so here goes. I always thought a Chest of Drawers was actually Chester Drawers. I mean really, I thought someone named Chester invented them.

Anyway, this next little tid-bit has caused me hours of thinking WHAT?!!! I share this now with you, only to enlighten you, maybe shock you and let you in on the crazy things that go on in my mind and I believe I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!

I recently heard through a family member that a long-time friend had run a marathon. Now, I know, you are wondering why am I talking about a marathon, I am only training for a 5K but the information she revealed has caused me to lay awake at night and ponder. So she said there are 3B's to running a marathon. They are blisters, (get it) bloody nipples (from friction, get it) and BROWN PANTS!!! Thats right. When you gotta go, you just go. I have heard of people peeing on a race and throwing water on themselves but never a NUMBER TWO?

Here is where my mind goes. First of all, I cannot even do "that" in a public restroom. And I may be mistaken, but I believe my intestines know this. They have been warned they are not allowed to move anywhere but home. And they cooperate with me. So, I for the life of me cannot figure out how I could possible do that running down the road. Especially with people all around. I was picturing myself, with a "spotter", you know like the ones that help the people lift weights to make sure they don't drop them? Well, I would be running along and look at my spotter who would be riding a bike along side and put up the big peace sign meaning #2 in this case. They would hop off their bike and get a magazine and beginning running backwards in front of me so I could read a bit. I mean I got to relax a little. I know there are other people out their who prefer this.

Then I wonder, after I had done the deed would it make me run faster? I mean to get away from the smell, or would it just make the people behind me run faster. And what about the other marathon runners that know this happens? Do they have codewords to let you know, I've had to go, move on by me. What about chaffing and rash people? Then, what if you won the race and win a trophy or something? Do you stand at a podium with a pile in your pants or do you go change in a port a potty nearby?

I gotta admit, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go, but these are some dedicated marathon runners and I salute all you who have been brave enough to do this. I can guarantee, when I do run a 5K, it is these thoughts of the dedicated runners that will keep me focused and on pace.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Chubby girl paranoia

I am a recovering tanning bed addict. I used to go 30 minutes a day in a bed and 15 in a booth in the same day, almost every day of the week. As I've aged I began to worry about skin cancer more and wasn't liking what all that tanning was doing to my skin. I do still go to the tanning bed on average about 10 times a year.

In a quest to still get that healthy glow, I have turned to self-tanners. I have used almost all of them. I have had great results with some and not so great results with others. Last year I tried a new one. While entering a movie theater with my husband, I looked down and said what do you think of this color on my legs? He didn't even hesitate with his answer, "It is the color of the rind of muenster cheese". Wow, that wasn't the look I was going for.

So this year, I decided to try the "tanning towel". Yep, I made my first purchase from the old Home Shopping Network. I took the package out and read the same old standard application techniques...loofah, wash your hands after use...then I noticed something toward the bottom. It said tanning towels come in half body or full body in classic or plus. Plus? do they mean like plus size? I didn't see this information on the order form. I only got the classic. So, are they telling me when I open them up they will be tissue size?

Really? Do we have to say plus size? Couldn't they just say small, medium and large? I just feel as a "larger" women we could pick better wording. Plus what? Like plus a hundred lbs? I don't know, maybe it is just me. It could be worse, I mean they could use words like jumbo, or super size.

Well, after ranting for two days about plus size tanning towels, I pulled up the website. Classic is for fair skin...PLUS is for medium to darker skin tones!!! This is what I like to call "chubby girl paranoia". As soon as I see the word plus, I automatically assume it means "plus size". I just kept picturing the plus to mean bath towel size. And, I am happy to say, I was able to get my whole body done with one....however, my application technique needs a little tweeking.
By he way, my running this week was EXTREMELY difficult. I felt like I was running through mud and only did 50 minutes of total jogging this week. Currently, I work out six days a week. I take Sundays off. On Mon-Wed-Fri, I do a whole hour with 20-30 of that being jogging. On Tues, Thur and Saturday, I do at least 30-45 minutes,with 30 minutes being stair stepping on the wii with the step up. So, my legs are really taking a beating. I think that is why it has been so difficult this week. I will continue with this schedule until my legs fall off or it gets easy before I will increase my jogging. Thats all for now!!

Monday, March 8, 2010

The jig is up!!

So, you know the commercial about smoking? You know the one that pops up on a black screen with sayings like..."you wanted to quit when you got married"..."you wanted to quit before you turned 35"..."you wanted to quit before your first child" January 1, 2007, 2008 and so on.

Well, this is basically how I have lived my life with weight. I wanted to lose it before I got to high school. I wanted to lose it before Senior prom. I wanted to lose it before I graduated high school. I wanted to lose it before I graduated college. I wanted to lose it before my wedding...before my second wedding....before my 3rd (ok, that is another story for another time)

But you get the picture. Oh, I almost forgot...I wanted to lose it before EVERY vacation.

So, I remember when my daughter was born, I said to my husband, "I need to lose this weight before she is old enough to realize I'm fat."

First it started with a drawing of me a couple of days ago. It was a fat snowman looking picture. When I questioned her about it she replied, "mama, you do kind of look like a snowman". If that wasn't enough, it had another big ball in front of the middle ball. Assuming the was an extention of my already largely portrayed belly, I braced myself and asked, "what is this?" "it is a potato". Still not sure what that means, but I am not asking for anymore explanations about that.

The next day after my workout, I threw off my shirt because I was trying to cool down. I was walking around the house in my sports bra and running shorts. She looks at me and says in an accusatory voice, "mama, have you been eating a lot of junk today". "No, I haven't even eaten breakfast, why"? Now I knew I shouldn't have asked, but curiosity got the best of me. She just pointed at my permanent rubber duck and said, "your belly"!!

GUESS WHAT PEOPLE??? The jig is up. I've been found out by a 3 year old...maybe I will lose it by the time she goes to school......

On a side note, I did bump up my jogging 10 minutes today. So that is 30 minutes. I was praying to Jesus at about 15 minutes in because I feared my legs were going to break like toothpicks if I continued, but once I hit 20 minutes and 1 second, I realized I had jogged longer than I had before and it got easier, the last 5 minutes were almost dare I say?... a piece of cake.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

A better name for this blog may be The morbidly obese jogger, but The Chubby Runner sounded so much nicer. Let me introduce myself. My name is Sally and I have been overweight since the day I entered puberty.

So after years of exercising and dieting I am ready to hit 40 this year and guess what? Still fat. After watching several episodes of Dr. Oz and watching people get in the truth tube to find out how unhealthy they are, I realized most of them were smaller than me.

While I know my weight is very unhealthy, I am still able to move and do a lot of things that people probably think I can't. That is when I decided to set a goal for myself. Which is quite simply to run a 5K by the time I hit 40 in October of this year.

Now a 5k isn't really that much....BUT, according to Dr Oz, I should be bed ridden having people bring me 2 dozen eggs and 3 lbs of bacon, with a loaf of toast! Let me say, being fat sucks. It has ruined tons of things in my life. But there are worse things. Do I want to lose the weight once and for all? YES! So, 3 weeks ago I began jogging. Currently, I only jog with my Wii Fit, which I know is way different than on the road or sidewalk. But it is a start. Give me a break, by Dr's calculations, I am morbidly obese....or maybe Super morbidly obese.

So currently, I am up to 20 minutes of jogging. I am not quite ready to jog outside yet. Because it is cold. And quite frankly, I don't want people to see a fat girl jogging. I mean it may offend them. My husband, who also struggles with weight, began running a couple of years ago. He informed me that when he runs outside (which he prefers) people drive by and yell mean things. "Like run fatty run". Seriously? I bet these are the same people who as little kids on the playground used to call me fat and pig and oink at me. I mean do you really ever grow out of being rude and mean? Maybe. But let me say, if you see this fat girl out running, I am trying to change my life and become healthy.