Wednesday, March 31, 2010

America's newest diet plan

You've heard it a million times on weight loss commercials. "I've tried every diet and nothing worked....UNTIL I tried (fill in the blank). So, I got to thinking of some of the diets I have tried and what are my thoughts and progress with each.

Let's see, the first thing I tried was the big Susan Powter diet. Remember her? The bald lady who yelled, "STOP THE INSANITY". Her thoughts on dieting was that fat made you fat. So cut out the fat and you will lose the fat. So bascially that was high-carb low fat foods. Well, lets assess my progress. Considering I had problems with my body making too much insulin, eating a lot of carbs was TOTALLY opposite of what I should have been doing. That diet actually made me fatter.

So how about The Cabbage Soup Diet? That is a regimented diet that you make this vat of cabbage soup that you can eat all you want. Then you have certain days where you only eat fruit, then vegetables one day and my favorite day was the day you ate up to 8 banannas and up to 8 glasses of skim milk. It lasts for 7 days. I lost about 15 lbs. that week. But as soon as you eat gain it back. Plus for some (not mentioning names) it causes gas that just happens to smell like a big pot of cabbage soup cooking. YUK!

So the most success I had was on the Atkins Diet. High fat, low carb. I was on it for a total of about 6 months. I lost about 55 lbs. When I first went on this, my husband and I laughed that it would never work. This was as I polished off a steak one night as big as my head. But, to my surprise the weight came off quickly. I did find it very hard to live like that forever. I REALLY missed fruit and bread. Also, you barely ever poop on this diet and you never "pass gas". If you do let one go you know you've eaten too many carbs somewhere. It is crazy. I am not sure a diet can be good for you that messes with your body's "natural functions" that way.

So after years of trying to figure out what works, I have the revelation you've all been waiting for! The only diet that works is the EAT LESS AND WORK OUT MORE diet. Sorry guys, sad but true. You have to learn to go to bed hungry and wake up early to sweat your butt off. It amazes me that everytime I turn the T.V. on it is some horrible statistic on the Today Show about how fat America is...followed of course by that skinny Giada cooking up some pasta.

So since America is not getting the message, I am making up a new plan. Since the airports have installed those scanners that pretty much show you naked, I have been mortified by the idea of flying. I mean really? (and on a side-note, spanx isn't gonna help hide anything in the scanner, so don't kid yourself) We should just install those at restaurants and grocery stores and put them on a big screen. PEOPLE, I WOULD NEVER BUY FOOD AGAIN!!! We would all be home growing gardens and canning. We would be so much healthier. Fear of being seen naked is a great motivator to lose weight, don't ya think?

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