Monday, March 15, 2010

Learning new things

If you are easily offended and do not find bodily functions amusing, do not proceed! That is my disclaimer on this blog!

I am a firm believer that I learn something new everyday. Sometimes it is life-changing, sometimes it is worthless information that makes me smile and think wow, I never knew.

Ok, I will give you an example that will make me appear a little silly and maybe not very smart, but oh well, I have been honest with this blog so here goes. I always thought a Chest of Drawers was actually Chester Drawers. I mean really, I thought someone named Chester invented them.

Anyway, this next little tid-bit has caused me hours of thinking WHAT?!!! I share this now with you, only to enlighten you, maybe shock you and let you in on the crazy things that go on in my mind and I believe I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!

I recently heard through a family member that a long-time friend had run a marathon. Now, I know, you are wondering why am I talking about a marathon, I am only training for a 5K but the information she revealed has caused me to lay awake at night and ponder. So she said there are 3B's to running a marathon. They are blisters, (get it) bloody nipples (from friction, get it) and BROWN PANTS!!! Thats right. When you gotta go, you just go. I have heard of people peeing on a race and throwing water on themselves but never a NUMBER TWO?

Here is where my mind goes. First of all, I cannot even do "that" in a public restroom. And I may be mistaken, but I believe my intestines know this. They have been warned they are not allowed to move anywhere but home. And they cooperate with me. So, I for the life of me cannot figure out how I could possible do that running down the road. Especially with people all around. I was picturing myself, with a "spotter", you know like the ones that help the people lift weights to make sure they don't drop them? Well, I would be running along and look at my spotter who would be riding a bike along side and put up the big peace sign meaning #2 in this case. They would hop off their bike and get a magazine and beginning running backwards in front of me so I could read a bit. I mean I got to relax a little. I know there are other people out their who prefer this.

Then I wonder, after I had done the deed would it make me run faster? I mean to get away from the smell, or would it just make the people behind me run faster. And what about the other marathon runners that know this happens? Do they have codewords to let you know, I've had to go, move on by me. What about chaffing and rash people? Then, what if you won the race and win a trophy or something? Do you stand at a podium with a pile in your pants or do you go change in a port a potty nearby?

I gotta admit, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go, but these are some dedicated marathon runners and I salute all you who have been brave enough to do this. I can guarantee, when I do run a 5K, it is these thoughts of the dedicated runners that will keep me focused and on pace.

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