My obsession with a number

A recent trip to the doctor got me thinking about the scales. I mean that is the most uncomfortable part of the visit for me. On second thought that depends on how "naked" they make you get. BUT, there have been several times just before getting on the scale, I have wanted to jerk off every article of clothing I had just to get a lower number. I wonder if I am the only one.

Years ago, I was "diagnosed" with white collar high blood pressure. My doctor said, it was that I didn't really have high blood pressure, but when I got around doctors it would go up. He would take it after my exam and it was always fine. It took me years to figure out why this was. Until, one day after the nurse weighed me and wrote my number down (in black marker, I swear it was a PERMANENT sharpie) in my file, she told me to sit down and put the cuff on me. "wow, your blood pressure is a little elevated. Finally, as I was sitting there (doing obvious deep breathing ) I said, "every time I come here, you put me on the scale and then take my blood pressure, of course it is elevated, I am border line having a panic attack"!! She laughed of course, BUT I WAS SERIOUS.

That number on the scale, I obsess over it. I hate to hear, "go by how your clothes fit". If every pair of pants I had were falling off of me, I WOULD NOT CARE, if the scale didn't go down. I have probably bought 100 scales in my life. Because they have been jumped on and kicked and skidded across the floor, all because I didn't like the number. Then of course the ones I had to replace because SOMETHING must be wrong with them. Only to replace them to find out something WAS wrong. THEY WERE WEIGHING LIGHT!!!! That is my favorite!!!!

I know I am not the only one. I have a family member actually kept a scale for years that was weighed 10 lbs less. I was always like, "don't you want the truth". No she liked living in denial. The thing that cracked me up was she would get angry every time she would go to the dr. and once again, she weighed 10lbs more than at home.

And does anyone go on the "on my gosh, my dr.'s appointment is Monday, so I can't eat this weekend diet"? I love that one. It doesn't matter if the appointment has been made for months, your best effort to lose weight comes in the last 48 hours before the appointment. Then, I like to go in the morning, on an empty stomach, after I assess my closet for my "lightest" clothes. I HATE going in winter. They probably wonder why I show up in shorts and a t-shirt in January. (and of course flip flops). I am just kiddding about that but I do try to find my least heaviest sweater!!!. If you notice, they don't count for clothes. They just right down the number the scale gives them. They show no mercy. DON'T THEY KNOW MY CLOTHES WEIGH AT LEAST 8-10 lbs.???? These shoes have a really thick sole lady, I am sure they are worth a couple of lbs!!

I love the people who "don't weigh themselves" I have total fear of that idea. The "I'm more than a number" idea has never worked for me, I feel like I have to keep myself in check. I also wonder out of curiousity how many times you feel the need to get on the scale. If it is a digital, I get on at least 3 times. If it says I lost, I begin to feel 'accomplished' until I get back on it and it says 3 lbs higher. I often walk away with a bad attitude wondering why I couldn't just step off with the first answer and been happy about it.

Hey, and how many of you get on it again after going to the bathroom. "that had to be at least worth a couple pounds right"? My favorite is when I gain a few lbs after a weekend of parties and eating way too much and I complain about my weight and my husband says, "its only water weight" God bless him for allowing me to be in denial!!!! So there is my confession about my obsession. Maybe, I will just throw the scales out one day, right after I replace all of my pants with sweats.