Thursday, October 11, 2012

What would you say?

A popular question posed by interviewers of famous people is, "if you could say something to your 16 year old self what would you say?" I've often pondered that question. My first instinct is just to plainly say, "it will all work out in the end" Or, "Don't sweat the small stuff". But this journey to health this year has brought up so many things inside of me that I would have to write myself a book.

With all the horrible bullying that is going on in our schools and neighborhoods, it makes me reflect on my jr. high/high school days. To be honest, no one gets away from it. If your fat you get picked on in life. If you "too" smart you get picked on in life. If you have sex in those years you get picked on. If you don't have sex you get picked on. And believe it or not if you are a cheerleader or plain out seem "to have it all together" you get picked on. Maybe not to your face. But it is happening.

Its ugly. Its sad. I look at my two girls and want to do EVERYTHING I can to protect them from it. But I know it will happen. Because even if they are not picked on by their friends or schoolmates, the media will tell them they do not have the right body, or nose or complexion. Something will always be wrong.

On reflection, what I would like to say to my 16 year old self. That boy (that you secretly had a crush on) that called you and ugly lard ass as you left the school bus. He ends up divored and alone. He can't mantain a relationship with anyone. That girl that made fun of you on the beach during Senior skip day? She dropped out of college, lives with her parents and is addicted to meth. Almost EVERYONE that picked on your weight, now struggles with their own. I am not saying these things to laugh and say, "ha, ha, you got yours." I am simply saying no one knows how things will turn out for people. Just like the bullies who didn't know that girl or boy would go home and take their own life because they couldn't take anymore.

Another thing that people may find shocking for me to say to my 16 year old self. "Someday, you will look back and be thankful you were overweight." Shocking I know. But I can tell you that nothing like struggling with a weight/health issue can give you compassion for others. I see people that are hurting. I feel their pain. I don't like to see anyone embarrassed. I like to make everyone around me comfortable and to know that it is O.K. to just be yourself with me. It makes you see others as God does.

Now, those of you who know me, know that I have yelled and been angry at God for my situation. I have envisioned a life so much better if this was not my struggle. But as I move to clarity of my mind and taking better care of my body, I can honestly say to my 16 year old self. "Don't wish for something else, this will lead you exactly where you need to go." I leave you with one of my favorite verses in the Bible. Roamans 8:28."And we know ALL things work together for good for those who love Christ and are called according to his purpose."

Friday, October 5, 2012

Diet Coke please light ice!!!

I know it has been a while since my last blog but life is always busy and this happens to end up last on the list.  I mean I think my children and husband should be fed and have clean clothes to wear before I am blogging away about my crazy me old fashioned!

Since my last post, I have visited a new dr. and nutritionist and am happy to say they have listened and gave me an action plan in my weight loss/health journey.  Things are moving in the right direction so I feel hopeful that I can turn this ship wreck around.  This new dr. believes in mind, body spirit health.  I like the fact that he see the whole person as all being connected and not just willing to throw a bottle of pills and me and tell me to lose weight.  He is actually giving me the tools and support to do so.  WOW.  Such a difference to what I've experienced in the past.

During my first meeting with the nutritionist, she told me I was built for famine.  SEE, all along I was right.  I have said for years my ancestors lived where they only got a couple of meal a year so they stored it all as fat and held on to EVERY calorie for survival.  I also happen to believe they were in a cold climate, therefore having to produce tons of body hair to keep warm.  Yep, my family is full of hairy fattys.  (BUT WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE)

I realized after my first appointment with the doctor, I forgot to mention my dirty little addiction to Diet Coke.  Of course, I quickly scanned the "acceptable" drink list they gave me and guess what?  No Diet Coke listed.  So this last appointment, I fessed up.  I thought he would brush it off as no big deal.  But he says, "oh?"  And I heard.  "You will die by midnight if you drink one more."  But then he tells me they give it to lab mice and they get fat and no one really knows why for sure.  So I set out a plan before him of how I plan to kick the habit.  My plan is not to buy it at home, therefore forcing me to have to go out to get it. 

Fast forward a week later, when I am hurling curse words (under my breath, I have children in the car) at the construction workers at McDonald's for putting up the stop sign and letting the other traffic move right when I was getting ready to pull in the drive-thru.  I mean I almost got the shakes here.  It is 3 in the afternoon and I have not had a Diet Coke for over 24 hours.  So I finally get my "fix" and as I drive away with the first sip sliding happily down my throat with its familiar burn and sachrianny taste ( I am pretty sure sachrianny is not a word, but give me a break, I blog not write masterpieces) one of my favorite songs from the Black Crowes comes on the radio, its called She talks to Angels.

It is about a women with an addiction.  As I turn it up, I hear this line...."theres a smile when the pain comes, pain gonna make everything alright."  OH HELP ME LORD!!!  I am officially a Diet Coke addict.  I literally smile and take a few deep breaths with my first sip every time.  I smoked for years and cigarettes never gave me that kind of feeling.  I got it bad people. 

So, being that this blog made me do a 5K, due to the fact that I am a person on my word.  I have chosen a date this month (with another addicted buddy who shall remain nameless) to kick the habit. 
That is my plan.  Its now out there for the world to know.  I am a person of my word.  So I have to do this.