Couch to 5K....two year plan!

A better name for this blog may be the morbidly obese jogger, but the Chubby Runner sounded so much nicer.  That was the first line of my first blog entry more than two years ago when I set out to run a 5K.  Who would have known what the journey would bring.  I know I didn't.  First the surprise pregnancy that landed me in the hospital having a baby two days after I turned 40.  For all of those who have been following from the beginning, my goal was to run the 5K before 40.  Well after much struggle, stops and starts, the 5K is this coming weekend.

The last few weeks have been filled with a sense of depression concerning this journey.  I have been in a funk that has been at times overwhelming.  The reasons being so many.  The fact that injuries have caused me to fall behind in my training.  And mainly the fact that I never lost a large amount of weight during the process.  This is for several reasons some self induced some not.  My main focus has been on the "here we go again" mentally that I have always had concerning my weight.  I will just say, this time there are some things that are different.  I set a goal to run a 5K.  I have fear, anxiety and self doubt about how much running I will actually do.  BUT, this time, I WILL FOLLOW THROUGH.  Regardless of the outcome.  I WILL DO THIS!  No backing out. 

I have had several people ask me the last few months, "Why are you doing this?"  I could probably answer most of it with the fact that I am doing this for selfish reasons.  For the fact that a lot of people don't think I can.  For the fact that maybe even I myself don't think it is possible.  So why will I be running this Saturday?
I will run for....

• Every chubby person who has ever starved, made themselves vomit or abused laxatives to lose weight.
• Every chubby person who has felt "less than" because the BMI chart showed they were "more than" they should be.
• Every chubby person who was picked last on the playground for a sports team
• Every chubby girl that was forced to go prom dress shopping with their skinny friends.
• Every chubby person that was embarrassed by the fact that they couldn't climb that damn rope in gym class
• Every chubby person who has endured stares, giggles and rude comments.
• Every chubby person who has been forced to buy clothes labeled plus or husky.
• Every chubby person who has cried in a dressing room.

And for every chubby person who believes they can't and listens to those nagging voices in their head that they never will.  This weekend I will.  It will take everything I have physically, but most of all it will take every bit of my mind telling me the voice in my head is wrong.  I don't know how it will end.  Whether I run, walk or crawl across the finish line, I know that I am more than a number on a scale.  The world told me I couldn't run because I was too fat, this Saturday I will prove them wrong.