Monday, July 16, 2012

Move over Old Country theres a new Hog trough in town!!

First start right off with an apology.  Why? You ask.  Because due to the fact that the 5K I signed up for is less than two weeks away, I am in full panic mode and eating more protein than should be humanly possible and limiting all carbs, sugar and Splenda, oh and just for poops and giggles, I've given up coffee and Diet Coke (once again SIGH) for the next two weeks so I am a crabby patty.  AND that last sentence was what I believe English teachers call a run on sentence!!!!  But I don't care to fix it give me a break people.

My subject today is nothing about my training or 5K.  It is about the fact that a Golden Corral is coming to my area.  For those of you that don't know, it is a buffet restaurant.  I have never been there before but from the sounds of the chatter going around town the excitement of its impending arrival is quite the talk. 

So, let me fill you in on something a bit scandalous.  Sit down.  Take a deep breath.  Are you ready?  O.K.  here goes.  This chubby girl HATES buffets.   No more like DESPISES them.  I know it is hard to believe.  Don't get me wrong, there are times I have taken "all you can eat" to the extreme.  But usually that was in the privacy in my own home or at a family get together.  And if there was cake thats an idea a cake buffet.  That could change my mind, but I digress (fancy word)!! 

First let me state the obvious.  Everyone watches the fattys at the buffets.  BEFORE you argue with me GET REAL with yourself.  Even I in all my fatness have witnessed someone at the buffet and had a fleeting thought that they REALLY shouldn't be there.  I know the times I have gone I have had my visits to the "hog trough" counted by curious onlookers.  By the way, I refer to all buffets as hog troughs.  I even had a Asian dude tell me, "don't eat it all" when I returned  for seconds.  Oh yes, people are that rude and mean.  I think me being fat gives them an excuse to be rude.  I wanted to scream, I just wanted one more pot sticker, and some General Tao's chicken and oh some more of that vegetable low to get my veggies in. 

Another reason I hate the hog trough is the "ick" factor.  Anyone who knows me, knows I am not a germaphobe.  I would go as far at to say I would have more of a ten second rule than five.  So I am definitely not "one of those" people HOWEVER,  those plastic guards they put up are not protecting my food from the gross people of society.  The "dirties"  the I'll poo and run and not wash my hands.  The "snotties" who wipe their nose with their hands.  I have seen with my own eyes people sneeze right under the plastic guard.  I have witnessed a man have a spaghetti noodle that did not want to leave the buffet, use his own fingers to snap it off his plate back into the bin for unsuspecting diners.  I witnessed a girlfriend, get a piece of lettuce off her plate WITH her hand and toss it back into the salad bar.  Can we all say GROSS together people?

All this being said, I will occasionally let my husband, or the crowd I'm dining with talking me into the buffet.  But, the whole time I am filling my plate I am saying in my head, "don't think about it, don't think about it."  Not to mention most of the food tastes like its been frozen too long.  So this was my rant.  I must also put a disclaimer on here.  I hear The Lady and Sons which is Paula Deen's restaurant in Savannah has a buffet.  I would eat there and never complain or be grossed out.  Because I am pretty sure butter kills all bacteria in the world. 

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