Tuesday, May 15, 2012

What Not to Wear

With Spring here and Summer of its way, the dress code seems to go from "all covered up" to "hey how much skin can I show without being arrested?"  I used to think that it was just me being the "chubby jealous girl" now sometimes I wonder if its "the chubby jealous old lady"  But really look around.  Fashion has always been an individual thing.  But some days you got to look at some people and wonder if there is a mirror in their house.

Case in point, recently I visited a park with my girls.  There was a larger girl that had white shorts on that were so tight that they literally didn't have an inseam.  On the legs it was like shorts but in the crotch area it turned into a bathing suit.  I know I am not explaining it correctly but it was just wrong.  No amount of "the fat girl shuffle" was going to get those shorts outta there.  For those of you who are unaware of what I call the "fat girl shuffle" let me explain.  If you are wearing shorts and they start creeping up your thighs due to friction, there is a discreet little walk you can do to get them out without missing a step.  I am pretty sure I invented the FGS in the eighties.  Then I see a girl with mid calf black boots and a mini skirt and tank top.  REALLY?  you are on a picnic in that?  You look like you are going to a concert.  Also, during a recent trip to the zoo, I saw two ladies get out of their car looking like they were going to a Chicago nightclub.  I actually said out loud, "are you kidding me ladies?"  For those of you who don't know I have a constant dialog going on in my head with myself, sometimes I do say the words "out loud".  It is a wonder I haven't been in more fist fights.   

Before you start to believe this chubby is judgemental trust me, there are several bad clothing choices that should have got me a spot on "What NOT to wear".  I look back and think wow, I really wore that?  And help me if there are pictures of the tragedy.  Forever on film.  It is funny to me that women (can't speak for the men but I can't imagine they do this) will pick a totally inappropriate outfit in an attempt to be cute.  There is an exception to this.  It is shoes.  If the shoes are cute I will wear them even if my feet get blisters and bleed.  They are a weakness.  Which reminds me of a bad choice I made years ago all in an attempt to "look cute".

When you visit a theme park, take a look around.  The people serious about riding the rides and having a great day are dressed in shorts and t-shirts and most likely their most comfy pair of shoes.  Now admit it, have you ever looked around and thought, "WHY are you wearing that here?"  Well, when I was 15 I chose to "be cute" instead of comfortable.  I had a pair of jeans that I loved.  The were cropped and the only shoes they looked right in were my fav pair of white jellies with just a tiny heal on them.  I was warned by several people that they would not be comfortable and to choose something else.  BUT these shoes were the ONLY thing that looked good with the outfit I had chosen.  Well, let me just say, when you mix heat, and walking and water rides, jellies are not proper foot attire.  I was bleeding and whiny and forced to buy a pair of socks to wear in attempts to "pad" my feet from the terror.  It was just ugly. 

So trust me, I've done it.  I still do it.  But I do have enough sense not to wear a skirt zip lining or a dress to go ride a horse.   Hey maybe I could start a new show.  "What Not to Wear....." to the zoo, to the park, to the beach.  Oh don't get me started on the beach, an unlined white bathing suit is NEVER o.k. unless you are on a beach in Rio.  There are a little more free there. AND NAKED.  Which brings me to another subject for the future.  Those nudist camp people do it all in the nude.  EVEN VOLLEYBALL.  But that is for another time!!!

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