Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Fat Debate!

A few years ago my husband and I were in the car having a conversation about something that I don't even remember, but it must have had to do with weight because I told him we should start a Fat Group against discrimination. I was joking of course, but found out a few months later their actually was a group. It is called NAAFA or National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. Huh?, can't believe I was born in 1970, been fat since 1982 and didn't know that a group like this was started in 1969.

Last week on Dr. Phil, they had a show called, The Fat Debate. You know I had to tune in. It was people from both sides of the fence. Some were overweight and others were trainers and a lady from some a group called anti-fat organization. The debate was pretty heated. You had the overweight people arguing that the others had no right to tell them what to do with their bodies. And the other side saying that they weren't discriminating because to be discriminated against it had to be something you couldn't control like race. To be honest, the whole show made my head spin.

I remember a long time ago seeing a talk show with "fat haters". I remember it really had a big impact on me. Every time I would be out and got a glance from someone that I thought seemed funny, I would immediately think, "oh my gosh, their a fat hater". How do I know I didn't just have a booger hanging out of my nose? It just made me paranoid, everyone was a fat hater. I have heard stories of people being interupted by total strangers asking, "do you really need to eat that?" WHAT??!!!! That has never happened to me and I am glad. I would either start to cry or give em a wise crack back like, "do you really think you should wear your hair up in a bun like that considering it shows off that your eyes are too far apart?!!" I mean seriously, what kind of response who someone bold enough to say that to you expect? What about people saying, "are you really going to eat that?" HEY, if the fork is in my hand and my elbow is bent raising it to my mouth, I am probably going to eat it!!!

What I did notice a few years back is that some people look into the shopping carts of overweight people. I rememer the first time it happened to me. A lady walked by and as we passed she gave a quick "look over" the contents of my cart. I was like, "oh no you didn't". But it happens. I am sure there are people who have false ideas that I sit around all day and eat and never work out. So be it, I know the truth. Look, we all have something to work on in our lives. Whether it be weight or something else. Unfortunately, when you are overweight, you can't hide your issue too well. The world sees it everyday. I am sure I am judged every day for something by someone. That is the BEST part of getting older. I don't really care all that much anymore.

I guess this is my stance...just because your skinny today doesn't mean you always will be. And just because your overweight today doesn't mean you have to stay that way forever. Life is short, do the best you can with what you have. We are all on this journey together. There are people starving in this world, dying of disease every day and living hopeless lives. There are things way more important than being offended by someone looking in my shopping cart. By the way, in case you were wondering, yes, that is a box of Little Debbie snack cakes in my cart, laying right next to my Slim Fast shakes.

Ah, the joys of summer

Summer is coming and you know what that means? Less clothing. I always find it funny that after everyone initially has failed their New Year's resolution that around Spring comes the frantic "bathing suit" time diets. It is a mad dash to the gym to get that "beach body". Let me just say, I will never have a beach body. I gave that idea up years ago. It is only my goal every year to appear as less of a jellybean in my bathing suit than last year. Yes, I said it. Being that I hold most of my weight in my belly, I appear jelly bean like in a bathing suit unless it has a defined waist. Unfortunately, as the years have progressed, I have went from a small size $.99 bag of Dollar General jelly beans to an all out Wakurusa Dime Store jelly bean. Every time I put on my bathing suit, I hear in my head, "NOW THAT'S A JELLY BEAN" from thier commercial with their super sized beans!!!

But, I would like to talk about another hot topic that comes with summer and less clothing... HAIR REMOVAL. I know I am an expert in this. I have tried it all. Let me first say, I HATE body hair. If I see it I want to remove it. Of course, I have been blessed with super dark hair and a family line that must have lived in caves only had one meal a year and lived in arctic temperatures. That is why we hold on to every calorie for all its worth and grow body hair like apes!!!

Let's see, I have bleached, waxed, had my own electrolysis machine, Epilady, Nair, Neet, Nads, oh and not to forget that stuff that is basically sand paper, I forget the name. I own stock in Gillette Razors with the lubristrip because I think they do the best job.

Let me just say, that bleach will work, however, it left my skin whiter in than area too. (now that was not obvious) Also, it works best for dark peach fuzz. What about turning long course hair from dark to white makes it better?

The at home electrolysis machine was one of my favs. I mean you had to stick this little metal thing the size of a small hair in each follice. ONE AT A TIME PEOPLE. Then you had to find what level of electrocution was needed for your type of hair. Again, thanks to my Neandrathal ancestors, I needed the thing to be turned up to 10 for the hair to fall out. Which pretty much made me jolt each time. It was torture.

Speaking of torture...the Epliady falls in that catergory. It was a like a spring of coils all wound up that would spin when you turned it on. It was supposed to pull out the hair by the root. AND it claimed to be pain free. LIES LIES LIES. Have you ever known anyone of your hairs to get pulled out by its' root and be pain free?

Nair, Neet and Nads, pretty much gave me a skin rash that looked like a teenager in the midst of puberty that worked 10-15 hours a week at the fryer at Long John Silver's. I didn't want to replace unsightly hair with zits people.

Wax is great if you have the time and patience and yes it still hurts. I have had several waxing accidents that have forced me to draw in my eyebrows for months. Plus I just find it time consuming.

After all the stuff I have tried, I fear I will someday be in a nursing home sporting a beard moustache and a body of old grey stubs all over. I doubt then I will care. Hopefully, most of it will be covered up by tons of wrinkles!!!!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Liar, Liar!

So, I was just curious...do you really weigh what your driver's license says? Or, is it the same weight you had when you were 16? I mean you did weigh that once right? Or, are you like me and ponder on the way to the DMV just how low you could go and still be believeable? But, even I know it is obvious if a cop pulls me over, he isn't falling for 135! (that is not what my licence says, I haven't weighed that since I was 7). Anyway, it amazes me how that number on the scale can cause an otherwise honest person to lie.

So, I got to thinking. Lying about your weight may seem harmless on your driver's license, BUT there are a few times in life it is never o.k to lie about your weight. This is from personal observation and experience.

You should never lie about your weight when you are getting ready to board a tiny plane and they are weighing your luggage and asking you what you weigh. I realized this on a trip to Abaco, Bahamas in 1997. If they are asking you that, THE PLANE PROBABLY ONLY CARRIES A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF WEIGHT!!!! As I stood in line with my best friend, you couldn't help but hear what the people were saying as to how much they weighed. One guy got up there and said 220. I immediately looked at my friend and said, 260 easy. Then the next person, 125, oh honey, at least 160. I got to say, I began to calculate the differences and got a little scared. THIS PLANE IS GOING DOWN CHUBBIES!! So when it came my turn to report my weight, I proudly announced 450. The guy looked at me like "yeah right" to which I replied, "I'm just making up for all of the rest of the people who are lying". The good news is the plane did not crash. I am wondering if they add a certain amount to each flight to cover the lies. OR, maybe, there is a secret scale embedded under the carpet where you stand to check in that records the truth. Either way, not a good time to lie people.

Another time would be when you are getting ready to go parasailing. I also found that out on a trip to the Carribean. My friend and I were planning on doing it tandem. We thought it would be fun to go up together. We found out after reaching the beach, their wasn't enough wind that day to have 2 people go together. Great I thought, I could actually be two people. I had this vision of the boat taking off with me attached to the sail and all I did was skip across the ocean but never get in the air. To save myself the embarrasment, I pulled aside one of the workers and said, "Look, is there enough wind to get my butt up in the air today or not?" He asked me what I weighed, AND I TOLD THE TRUTH. "No problem man, we get you up". I did notice that the "larger" people who went before me all used the same parasail. SO, they probably have a small, medium and large sail for each person according to their weight. Anyway, I did it and I went up without a problem and came down fine too. So I was happy I told the truth. If I would have been skipping across the ocean unable to get into the air I would have been mortified.

And the most important time not to lie about your weight?!! When you are getting ready to be put under anesthesia. Seriously, you don't want too little of that stuff and wake up in the middle of surgery. And, besides that, why lie when you are getting ready to go into surgery? You know they have already taken your panties and they are going to flip you around all over and your sheet will fall off so there you are all naked. And let me just say, THE NAKED BODY DON'T LIE! And you know that's the truth!